When someone wants more out of their sex life, it’s sometimes hard to know where to turn. A sex coach is one of many options.
Sex coaches help people in a variety of ways. Some common reasons for seeing one include desiring:
- more or better orgasms
- improved erections
- increased libido or sex drive
- help with compulsive masturbation
- guidance in nonmonogamy (polyamory, swinging, threesomes, etc.)
- kink exploration (cuckolding, strap ons, etc.)
Most sex coaches have an area of special focus. If the help you’re looking for isn’t their specialty, they can refer you to another coach with the skills and knowledge you seek.
What happens during sex coaching?
Sex coaching is goal-oriented. Your coach will want to know what it is you are hoping to gain or achieve through coaching.
For this reason, they will likely send you an intake form to complete once you’ve booked a session with them.
This form is completely confidential. Only your sex coach sees it. The form is used to get an idea of what kind of coaching you’re looking for and to prepare for your initial session or consultation.
During your first session, your coach will refer to your intake form and ask clarifying questions to get a clear understanding of your concerns or desires.
Will I have to book more than one coaching session?
In many cases, clients only need one session to resolve an issue or achieve their goal. For example, I’ve had clients struggling to find partners interested in the same kinks reach out to me for help. With just one session, we’re usually able to brainstorm a number of options they haven’t tried yet.
In other cases, things might take a few more sessions to work out. A good example of this is when a client has anorgasmia. These clients usually need a gradual progression of ‘homework’ assignments over the course of a few weeks. Each week, their homework takes them closer to regaining the genital sensation and/or mental habits needed to achieve orgasm.
Some clients do benefit from ongoing coaching. I’ve had clients stick with me for months as we worked together to explore and define their personal sexual boundaries as well as create scripts for communicating and enforcing them. Others were exploring and trying to define their sexuality, romantic orientation, or kink. Still more simply sought ongoing help with navigating dating through a sex-positive lens.
How does sex coaching work?
Sex coaching provides clients with a knowledgeable expert and safe space to ask questions about sex and sexuality. It is usually similar to talk-based counseling.
A sex coach can:
- ensure that you’re being safe in your pursuit of sexual goals
- offer tips for enhancing your sexual journey
- advise on the best course of action when communicating with partners
- share new ideas about how to approach sexual issues
- provide professional insight backed by the latest sexual research
A sex coach does not:
- Provide therapy or counseling. Most do not have the required educational background to adequately help clients manage disorders or recover from trauma. (Though sex therapists with these qualifications do exist).
- Have sex with clients. Some may use touch-based methods (called sexological bodywork or somatic sex therapy). Some coaches may refer clients to sex surrogates, but only if having sex with another person would be helpful to their process.
How to Prepare for a Sex Coach Session
If you’re ready to share your questions about sex with a sex coach, that’s great! Here are some things you can do to be prepared and get the most out of your session:
- Complete the intake form. In all likelihood, your sex coach will provide an intake form with questions about your health, sexual history, relationship history, and more. Do your best to answer each question as completely as you can. Intake forms can be long, so set aside some time so you don’t have to rush through it. If you struggle to pay attention to long forms, ask your sex coach if you can schedule a short call to answer the questions instead.
- Exercise self-care before your session. Talking about sex can be really hard. Most of us weren’t brought up in a sex-positive culture that made it easy to do so. Knowing that you’re going into a sex coaching session can bring a sense of discomfort. Do your best to unwind and relax as much as possible ahead of time and take care of yourself. Don’t forget to breathe when you get there!
- Remember that a sex coach is just a person who wants to help. It can feel strange to turn to someone who is an “expert” in something that we’re led to believe should be easy. However, it’s important to remember that sex coaches just want to help people have the sex life they desire. Even when sharing very intimate details about your life, a sex coach isn’t in the business of passing judgment—they’re there to gather information, provide resources and information, and cheer you on to a more fulfilling sex life.
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Shannon Burton, SXI is a professional sex coach certified through a program aligned with American College of Sexologists standards. Book a free discovery call today to find out whether sex coaching is right for you.
Have questions before you book? Email hello@sexcoachshannon.com to find out if a consultation is right for you.
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