When someone has questions or concerns about sex, it’s often hard to know who to turn to for help. Some problems require a doctor or licensed therapist. However, there are many common issues people face that don’t cleanly fall into medical or psychological diagnoses. Some of these include:
- sexual inhibition
- decreased sexual desire
- questions about unique sexual interests
- desiring more sexual independence
- body image issues
- some forms of painful sex
- early, delayed, or absent orgasm
- sexual compulsion that interferes with wellness
- mismatched libido between partners
- desire for sexual novelty
- communication challenges around sex
- navigating sexual exploration such as kink and ethical nonmonogamy
While people experiencing a few of these issues (such as painful sex or orgasm complications) should check in with a doctor, many who do so discover there is no medical reason or recourse for their problem. Short of seeking a therapist, where do they turn?
The answer: a sex coach.
What a Sex Coach Is and Isn’t
Sex coaching provides clients with a knowledgeable expert and safe space to work through challenges with and questions about sex and sexuality. Sex coaching is typically talk-based and does not replace psychotherapy for those struggling with mental health issues.
A sex coach can:
- offer a nonjudgmental listening ear to sexual fears and concerns
- provide solutions to common problems with libido, orgasm, desire, and inhibition
- help clients ascertain whether their sexual habits are helping or hurting their overall wellbeing
- model healthy ways to talk about sex with partners
- share resources relevant to clients’ sexual interests
A sex coach does not:
- Provide therapy or counseling. Most do not have the required educational background to adequately help clients manage disorders or recover from trauma. (Though sex therapists with these qualifications do exist).
- Have sex with clients. Some use touch-based methods (called sexological bodywork or somatic sex therapy), but many (including myself) do not. Some coaches may refer clients to sex surrogates, but only if having sex with another person would be helpful to their process.
- Watch partners have sex. This isn’t a spectator sport!
How to Prepare for a Sex Coach Session
If you’re ready to share your questions about sex with a sex coach, that’s great! Here are some things you can do to be prepared and get the most out of your session:
- Complete the intake form. In all likelihood, your sex coach will provide an intake form with questions about your health, sexual history, relationship history, and more. Do your best to answer each question as completely as you can. Intake forms can be long, so set aside some time so you don’t have to rush through it. If you struggle to pay attention to long forms, ask your sex coach if you can schedule a short call to answer the questions instead.
- Exercise self-care before your session. Talking about sex can be really, really hard for many of us. Most of us weren’t brought up in a sex-positive culture that made it easy to do so. Knowing that you’re going into a sex coaching session can bring a sense of dread, and set you up to clam-up during your session. Do your best to unwind and relax as much as possible ahead of time and take care of yourself, and don’t forget to breathe when you get there!
- Remember that a sex coach is just a person who wants to help. It can feel strange to turn to someone who is an “expert” in something that we’re led to believe should be easy. However, it’s important to remember that sex coaches just want to help people have the sex life they desire. Even when sharing very intimate details about your life, a sex coach isn’t in the business of passing judgment—they’re there to gather information, provide resources and information, and cheer you on to a more fulfilling sex life.
Sex Coaching is Just a Click Away
These days, it’s easy to find sex coaches with a simple web search. If you’d like to learn more about my sex coach availability, check out my services page or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks for reading!