Cuckolding Without Partners

Practice cucking without a third…or even a second.

Google searches for “cuckold” have trended upward in the last 20 years, indicating an increased interest in this fun form of kink.

Yet for many people, this curiosity invites frustration. A lack of opportunities, an uninterested partner, or having no partner at all makes it feel impossible to ever live out this arousing fantasy.

In fact, I’ve even had clients reach out to me to talk about the difficulty they’re having with finding a partner open to cuckolding, presenting the idea to a partner, or finding an additional partner they feel safe engaging in this kink with.

At the end of the day, you can’t convince someone to be into cuckolding if they simply aren’t. While tastes and interests can change over time, there’s no way to force that process. This leaves many would-be cucks and cuckers out of luck.

What’s a prospective cuck, cucker, cuckqueen, or hotwife (etc.) to do? I’m here to share some ideas. In this post, we’ll go over ways you can enjoy or test out cuckolding without an additional partner—or even all on your own.

But first, a little background to make sure we’re all on the same page.

Cuckolding 101

Photo by cottonbro

The definition of cuckold has evolved over time. Not long ago, the word strictly referred to a man whose wife was cheating on him.

Fun fact: “Horns” are often used as metaphorical garb for men in this situation. Many western cultures have a saying along the lines of “he wears the horns”, or “she’s hanging her husband with horns” to refer to cuckolding.

Understandably, being hung with horns, hanging your partner with horns, and otherwise being a part of cuckolding has historically been considered an insult. Cuck-based insults are still very common and in use today.

In today’s sex-positive circles, cuckolding typically refers to consensual sexual encounters between one partner and someone outside of their relationship for the enjoyment of all involved. This happens in relationships with any number of existing partners who have any combination of gender identities.

This makes cuckolding a form of ethical nonmonogamy. Perhaps unsurprisingly, cuckolding isn’t uncommon in swinging, polyamorous, and other ethically nonmonogamous (ENM) relationship arrangements.

However, not everyone involved in these relationship styles is interested in cuckolding, and not everyone interested in cuckolding is necessarily interested in any other forms of ENM. There’s some overlap, but never assume that the presence of one means the other.

Why do people get into cuckolding? How do they do it?

There are about as many ways to practice cuckolding as there are ways to practice nonmonogamy.

For some folks, one partner enjoys the feeling of “getting away with cheating” or “hanging their partner with horns” knowing that they aren’t actually hurting their partner. They may also feel empowered to be as sexual as they want to be with the enthusiastic support of their partner.

Their partner may get off on these ideas as well, or may not. There are many other possible factors that may contribute to their enjoyment. These can include things like:

  • an interest in humiliation kink or novel power dynamics
  • feeling empowered knowing that other people find their partner sexy
  • vicariously experiencing different kinds of sex or sex with different people through a partner
  • enjoying the sight or thought of a partner’s sexual enjoyment regardless of who is providing it

Cuckolding Terminology

With all of these (and countless other) ways to enjoy cuckolding, some new vocabulary has unfolded around the practice. Here are a few words to know:

  • cucking: short for cuckolding
  • cuck: a person whose partner has sex with other people, short for cuckold
  • cucker: a person who has sex with people other than their partner
  • cuckqueen: a femme person whose partner has sex with other people (emerged as a response to the historically masculine “cuck”)
  • cuckcake: a femme person outside the relationship who engages in sex acts with the cucker (emerged as a response to the historically masculine “bull”)
  • bull: a person outside the relationship who engages in sex acts with specific partners
  • hotwifing: a practice similar to cuckolding in which a wife is shared with others with an emphasis on the marital concept of a wife as a possession

Again, in the context of consensual cuckolding, everyone is aware of and agrees to these arrangements, dynamics, and activities, usually for the sexual enjoyment of all involved.

What Cucking Looks Like in Action

Photo by cottonbro

The classic depiction of cuckolding is “the cheating wife”. A married woman has sex with other men behind her husband’s back, making him a cuckold or cuck. However, that is just one of many possible ways people enjoy cuckolding today.

Traditional Cuckolding:

Many heterosexual men are drawn to the historical depiction as part of their cuckolding kink, and their partners are happy to oblige. These women seek out other men (bulls), have sex with them, and report back with details. They may even take it a step further and share activities with their cuck via photos, recorded video, live video or phone calls, or even by having him watch in-person—all with the consent of the bull, of course.

Hotwifing:

In hotwife scenarios, there’s usually less emphasis on the social humiliation associated with being a cuck and more emphasis on the social status afforded to men who have a hot wife. By “sharing” his hot wife, the cuck’s good taste and skill in obtaining beautiful women is affirmed by other men—as well as his generosity, of course. Hot wives often feel sexy, valued, pleasured…as well as objectified and possessed in a kinky and exciting way.

It’s important to note that despite the patriarchal roots of cucking and hotwifing, cuckers and hotwives enthusiastically consent to this fun role play. Additionally, people of any gender identity can enjoy any of the roles described in these scenarios.

Live Play

Other cucks, cuckers, bulls, and cuckcakes are mostly interested in cucking when everyone’s in the room together. The cuck may only get to watch, or they may participate in the sexual activities as well—engaging in more of a threesome or group sex scenario but with cucks and cuckers alike very much aroused by having another person (or more than one person) present and pleasing the cuckers.

Virtual Cucking

When it’s difficult or unsafe to engage in live play in their local community, many turn to virtual cuckolding to act out their desires. Finding a bull online to exchange sexts, photos, and videos with can provide cucks a play-by-play of the cucker’s activities. Watching a partner engage in cyber sex with a bull or cuckcake can also be extremely erotic. When one partner shows others erotic images of a partner, this is called candaulism.

A note on candaulism: While sharing sensual, nude, and/or erotic photos and videos of a partner can be one way to live out this fantasy, you must get the explicit permission of anyone in any photos you’re sharing to do so. While some places have laws enforcing this, it shouldn’t require legal repercussions to understand that the need for consent extends to sharing these images—whether sending files or flashing your phone screen to others.

Question: How many bulls or cuckcakes do people play with?

Cuckolders may connect and play with many bulls over time, or many bulls at specific events such as sex parties, or may prefer to just be involved with one bull or cuckcake at a time. There are endless ways to practice cuckolding; it’s all about what the people involved prefer.

When There are No Bulls

Photo by Jasmine Carter

There are many reasons why partners interested in cuckolding may not have a bull or cuckcake in their lives. They may not know where to look for them, not have luck finding good matches, or may even not be ready to actually involve another person sexually in the relationship.

There’s no reason why you can’t cuckold without a bull, however. Here are some ideas that don’t require bringing in someone from outside the relationship:

  • Tell stories. The cucker can tell or affirm stories about awesome sex they’ve had with others. These stories can be real or imagined—be sure to discuss preferences on this. Embellishing for the cuck’s or cucker’s enjoyment can go a long way. If the cuck enjoys humiliation, up-playing qualities in real or imagined lovers that would make the cuck feel inadequate or confessing to masturbating to the thought of other lovers can be a great source of satisfaction. Conversely, cuckers can focus on how many lovers they’ve seduced to sate more hotwife-like preferences.
  • Dirty talk. While having sex, role-playing as if the cucker has recently spent time with a bull or cuckcake can really take things to a new level. Many enjoy dirty talk such as the implication that another person’s skin has recently been against the cucker’s, or even that sweat and other fluids are still lingering on their body. Demanding oral sex from a cuck (or a cuck offering it) when a cucker has supposedly had recent penetrative sex with someone else can be a real firestarter in the bedroom.
  • Go on “dates”. If traditional cucking were happening, one partner would likely be spending some evenings or weekends away from home to be with their bull(s). There’s no reason why the cucker can’t tell their cuck that they’re going on one of these dates, then actually go spend time with friends. The cuck can even pay for the date out of their own pocket. As long as they come home with a saucy fictional story to tell, the cuck may be able to enjoy the imagined experience or hearing what their cucker could have done.
  • Use porn. Have you ever found porn starring people who resemble a partner? Now’s the time to use that. Imagine that it actually is your partner engaging in sex with other people, or your partner watching you have sex with other people. When watched together, cuckolding porn can go a long way to provide fantasy fuel.
  • Fake evidence. For the cucker: record orgasms supposedly given to you by a bull or cuckcake. Write emails from fictional outside lovers. Leave an unrolled condom hanging half-out of the bedroom trash can. Create the illusion and let the fantasy roll from there.
  • Role play. For the cuck: pretend to be all the people you’d love to imagine your partner having sex with. Dedicate a night to each of these personalities, real or imagined. Ask your partner to call you by their name and imagine it’s them. Over time it can feel as if your partner has slept with a dozen or more others during your time together, or your favorite celeb many times. (“Wanna fuck Jason Momoa again tonight, honey?”)
  • Focus on the driving desire. If all else fails, focus on the drive behind the desire for cuckolding. Humiliation? Plan out a role-play where the cucker tells the cuck what a disappointment they are in the bedroom. Pride? Role-play the cucker winning “Sexiest Person of the Year” and being inundated by requests for sex. Empowerment? The cuck can role-play as all the different people on the planet who the cucker is free to seduce and have sex with.

Solo Cucking

Photo by Vlada Karpovich

Cuckolding while single? Believe it or not—it’s a thing!

Obviously, for anyone who wants to be a bull or cuckcake, being single leaves you wide open to entertain offers from interested cuckolders. Trying to truly fly solo? Porn, erotica, fantasy, and even creating your own creative works can go a long way for bulls and cuckers alike.

For those who want to be cuckers IRL, single folks are typically free to pursue as many sexual relationships as they want. Be honest with partners about your nonmonogamous practices, be safe, and who knows—you may bump into someone who’s into what you’re doing, especially in nonmonogamous communities.

If you’re a single cuck looking to get their needs met, here are some suggestions to take your fantasy further.

Tips for Single Cucks

A number of people manage to satisfactorily cuck themselves with the help of a little imagination. Here are some ideas:

Have a crush.

One of the most common ways solo cucking is accomplished is by fostering a crush on someone—especially someone known to be in a relationship. Be very careful with this: you don’t want to get so wrapped up in a fantasy about someone at the office that it starts to affect your work.

A better way to go about this is to invest your energy and attention in a celebrity you’ll likely never meet. Bonus points if it’s a sexually empowered celebrity who is relatively public about their sex life or preferences.

Follow specific porn stars.

One way to take things further is to crush on someone you can watch have sex with others: a porn star.

Choose one or more specific porn stars that you can fantasize about being in a relationship with. Follow their work and watch them “cuck you” to your heart’s content.

Support creators.

Want to take things a little further? Many adult entertainers are on sites like OnlyFans or JustForFans. You can directly support their work and some will even engage in “girlfriend experience” chats. Just make sure you’re seeking creators offering this experience and not demanding it from someone who isn’t selling it.

Cuckolding and Self-Care

As a final note on cuckolding: I want to remind anyone who partakes in this or any kink to be sure to practice self-care and safer sex. In any ongoing nonmonogamous situation, regular STI testing and barriers like condoms are essential.

Emotionally, cuckolding also sometimes creates space for harmful beliefs about oneself and ones partners to creep in. Am I a bad person for wanting to have sex with people other than my partner? Am I wrong for wanting to sleep with other people’s partners? Am I not enough for a partner—are they actually seeking pleasure with others because I’m not satisfying them?

There is a line between fantasy and reality, and it can become blurred with this kind of play. Check in with everyone after sexual experiences wrap up and practice aftercare. If at any point you feel unsure about continuing to engage in cuckolding, or sense hesitation in your partner, it is okay to step back, take a break, and reasses.

This goes for solo cucks, too. When you’re single, it’s easy to start thinking that you’re not finding a partner because you’re not good enough for one. If this starts happening to you, please seek out someone to talk to.

If you have any more questions about cuckolding, let me know! I’ll be checking the comments and personally responding to emails sent to hello@sexcoachshannon.com

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Published by Shannon Burton

Sex educator and writer by day, poet and flash fiction author by night, I occasionally manage to get out of the house to enjoy New Orleans as it's meant to be.

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