How to Set Boundaries for Happy, Healthy Polyamory

I’m still writing about how to set boundaries in polyamory over on Fetlife.

Boundaries are healthy for all aspects of your life, of course.

However, polyamorous relationships present unique situations. It can be hard to find resources that give relatable examples and advice.

So here’s my latest take on boundary-setting in polyamory.

Content Warning: I’ve injected more than a bit of sexual humor, making this post another deviation from my usual style.

If sexual humor isn’t your thing, check out 10 Boundaries for Happy Polyamory. It doesn’t go into the same detail as the content below, but it’s definitely more SFW.

Cum-Guzzling Boundaries for Polyamorous Abundance

man in black dress shirt drinking canned drink

If you don’t know me, hi! I’m Shannon, a huge sex & relationship nerd who loves guzzling the cum that flows from the Great Cock of Boundaries.

Why? Because it’s ABUNDANT AS FUCK. An endless geyser, if ya want it to be.

The Great Cock of Boundaries contains everything you need to have the poly relationships of your wildest dreams…and a bunch of other great stuff, too.

Cock not your thing? Don’t worry: there’s genitalia and body parts of all kinds around here. You don’t even have to put your mouth on ’em. Just get over here and join the infinite wellspring, already. Your dream poly life is waiting for you!

Okay, we’ve got a few things to go over, but first thing’s first:

LIMITS in Polyamory

Limits? Really, Shannon? Didn’t you just say we’re signing up for infinite abundance?

Yes, cumslut, calm down!

As hot as infinity is, the reality for mortals like us is that we do, in fact, have limits. Can’t enjoy the poly relationship if you actually drown in dumpsters of squirtsauce now, can you?

So let’s find your limits.

Finding Your Limits

Take this moment to envision ✨The [Fictional] Poly Relationship of Your Wildest Dreams✨.

Feel free to completely ignore your current relationship situation as you do this. This is just a thought exercise; allow yourself to fantasize.

Get detailed. Really take your time. Seriously, this post will be here when you get back.

Luxuriate in the possibilities. Go beyond “everybody is happy” and “everybody has their needs met”. Dig deep into desire. Be a little selfish, even.

Write the fantasy down or record a description; we’ll need it later.

Once you’re finished, tell me, in ✨The [Fictional] Poly Relationship of Your Wildest Dreams✨…

How many partners do you have?
How much time each week are you spending
…with partners?
…on dates with potential partners?
…with nonromantic family and friends?
…on creative and/or professional pursuits?
…on rest, self-care, self-improvement, or something similar?
How many hours of sleep a night are you getting?
How far are you traveling to spend time with existing or potential partners?
…and how often?
…for how long each visit?
How much money are you spending each week or month on
…dates
…travel with partners
…gifts for partners
…other relationship-related expenses?
How many sexual partners do you have?
How often are you having sex?
How much of your creative energy goes into your relationships? (% guesstimate)
How much of your emotional energy goes into your relationships? (% guesstimate)
How much of your physical energy goes into your relationships? (% guesstimate)
How much of your total energy is left for non-poly things like work and self-care? (% guesstimate)
What kinds of things do you do to show affection to your partners?
What kinds of favors, if any, do your partners ask of you that bring you joy?
What kinds of needs, if any, do your partners have that bring you joy to meet?
What other things came up as you fantasized and answered these questions that feel important to note?

You done?

Congrats, cumslut! You’ve just taken your first load of limits. Way to go!

To reward you, I’m about to grant you permission to be the neediest goopguzzler you can be. You’ve earned it.

Get ready to think about your greediest [fictional] NEEDS…

Cum-Guzzling Boundaries for Polyamorous Abundance, Pt. 2

Ready to get everything you want from polyamory?

Good! That’s what we’re doing today you eager void of endless desire.

NEEDS in Polyamory

Yes, my precious, hungry gobbler of the Great Cock of Boundaries; it’s time for your reward for your LIMITS work.

You want the poly relationship of your wildest dreams, and you’re gonna get it.

Today’s task is to be needy & greedy.

Set aside any negative or malicious associations with desiring more. Set aside fears of being too needy, hesitation to come across as greedy.

I give you permission to be selfish today. To wail, LOUDLY, for everything you desire. To scream as innocently and shamelessly as an infant in need of food, touch, or attention.

There’s a lot of abundance flowing from the Great Cock of Boundaries. Everything you want is in there, and more is gonna keep cumming.

Getting the poly relationship of your wildest dreams requires audacious, near-insatiable, cum-guzzling want.

Desiring as much love as you do isn’t too much; it is bold, brave, and brazen in the absolute best ways, and the Great Cock of Boundaries will reward you for it.

Ready?

Finding Your Needs

Refer back to ✨The [Fictional] Poly Relationship of Your Wildest Dreams✨.

You did write it down or record it as told, right? Good.

Remember: this is a thought experiment. Feel free to ignore your current relationship situation.

Take a moment to imagine, once again, that you are living ✨The [Fictional] Poly Relationship of Your Wildest Dreams✨ and tell me…

Can you dream bigger? Desire more? If so, what changes?
How much time do your partners spend with you?
How often do partners communicate with you?
What are your partners like? What about their personalities brings you joy?
In what ways do your partners take care of themselves?
…physically?
…emotionally?
…other ways?
In what ways do your partners take care of you?
…physically?
…emotionally?
…other ways?
How do your partners express their affection and love for you?
How do your partners make you feel?
What do your partners do to make your life easier?
…what tasks do they take off your to-do list?
…what skills do they have and happily use to help you?
…what are their favorite things to do that also benefit you?
What do your partners do to make your life pleasurable?
…how do they touch you, hold you, fuck you?
…how do they speak to you? what do they say?
…how do they feed you, with food and/or whatever else you hunger for?
What things about you bring your partners joy?
…what are their favorite things about you?
…what skills, beliefs, and qualities of yours do they value?
Do your partners spend money on…
…dates, trips, gifts, etc. with/for you?
…your groceries, transportation, medicine, and/or housing?
…anything else that makes your life easy and pleasurable?
Do your partners happily tend to any of your health needs?
What parts of your life (family, community, work, creative projects, etc.) are your partners actively a part of?
What kind of relationships does your partner have with other important people in your life?
What other needs & desires came up for you while answering these questions?

Yes! Amazing work you gorgeously greedy cumslut! Take that hot, needy load; take it ALL! I’m so proud of you!

Make time today to celebrate yourself. All this wanting is really hard work.

Next, we’ll submit the LIMITS and NEEDS of your dreams to the Great Cock of Boundaries so that it may coat you in the cum of poly abundance.

Cum-Guzzling Boundaries for Polyamorous Abundance, Pt. 3

brunette woman with transparent umbrella on rainy day

Here it is, cumslut!

Today’s the day the Great Cock of Boundaries showers you with your very own secrets to poly abundance.

BOUNDARIES in Polyamory

Here’s the thing you need to know about the Great Cock of Boundaries: it’s got no throttle, no discernment, no ability to parse out every individual’s needs while respecting their limits.

It’s just a constant hot, sticky gush of everything everyone could ever want from the universe, pumping and pumping right at ya (and me, and everyone else).

The Great Cock of Boundaries requires a particular form of worship—one where your only task is to take everything you want and nothing you don’t.

That stuff you don’t want? It’s for someone else.

In its infinite wisdom, the Great Cock of Boundaries runs a zero-waste operation. If it jets something onto your face that you don’t want, let it fall. Someone’s greatest desire in life is to lap that shit up off the ground; don’t take that away from them!

And that stuff you do want? Oh baby, it is all cumming at you.

Open wide.

Refer to ✨The [Fictional] Poly Relationship of Your Wildest Dreams✨.

It’s time for me to tell you something important about this wild relationship fantasy you’ve been imagining needs and limits around.

This may be tough, so take a moment to grab a comfort item or queue up a text to someone who’s good at holding space for you.

You ready?

This dream of yours may be fictional, but your desire for it is real.

That means it’s a real part of you.

And that means the Great Cock of Boundaries is pumping that dream at you.

And your task is still to take everything you want, and nothing you don’t.

Establishing Your Boundaries

When you say yes to what you don’t want, you become too cum-soaked, too saturated in sticky goodness meant for someone else, to absorb the stuff you do want when it comes.

Your mouth is too full of other people’s dreams to hold another drop of your own.

Look at your needs and desires. Which of them…

are already a part of your life?
have been offered but you’ve hesitated to accept?
could you have if you’d only ask for them?

Look at your limits. Which of them…

are already being surpassed?
have you had opportunities to cut back on, but keep toiling away at?
require you to say “no”?

This is hard stuff, I know. The Great Cock of Boundaries is a very demanding top, and it’s especially hard when what’s not meant for us is mixed in with what’s meant for the people we love.

So start small. Super tiny. Pick one itty-bitty, teensy-weensy limit or need from your wildest poly dream to honor this week. Explain that you’re past capacity and need to cut back, or that in order to be happy, you need a little favor.

Consider it your training period, my gorgeous, greedy cumslut.

I know you can do it.

Final Thoughts on Your Thoughts

These thought exercises are a starting point for identifying the elements of your boundaries. Actually enforcing boundaries, of course, is a whole other step.

Don’t worry: I’m still writing and rolling out posts about active boundary-setting and dealing with emotions that sometimes arise when we start setting boundaries (guilt, for example).

This stuff is good not just for poly folks, but anyone looking to get better at honoring their needs and limits in and out of the bedroom.

See ya next week. In the meantime…

may your journey be abundant.

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Want blissful poly relationships?

Hi! I’m Shannon, a sex & relationship coach helping people set the boundaries that unlock their hottest, happiest, healthiest relationships.

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How to Set Boundaries for Happy, Healthy Polyamory