Planned romps don’t have to feel routine.
Listen, I get it. Scheduling sex just doesn’t sound sexy.
The idea of “penciling it in” among work, errands, and other obligations can make even the most sex-positive people wince.
Yet, scheduled sex is probably more common than you think.
For example, perhaps you have…
- anticipated sex when reuniting with a partner after spending time apart
- looked forward to sex during weekends, holidays from work, or vacations
- enjoyed sex at the end of regularly scheduled dates, like weekly dinners or nights out
- organically built a routine of morning, afternoon, or evening sex based on which was most convenient
All of these are examples of scheduled sex. And there’s no reason why they can’t include hot, steamy, brag-worthy romps.
In today’s post, I’ll share the benefits of scheduling sex and 3 steps to making it work for you.
The Benefits of Scheduling Sex
The benefits of planned intimacy are profound, especially for people with packed calendars. People who schedule sex enjoy:
- deeper emotional connection
- healthier, more radiant sex lives
- better conflict resolution and mutual understanding
Perhaps most importantly, scheduling sex helps couples reduce stress.
Stress poses both mental and physical health risks. As a result, our sex drive naturally dips when we’re stressed.
Sex relieves stress from sources outside the bedroom, and scheduled sex reduces stress about when that sex will happen. It’s a win-win!
Making Scheduled Sex Work for You
Scheduled sex can be just as satisfying as spontaneous sex, if not moreso.
In fact, a recent study found that the main difference between people who do and don’t find scheduled sex satisfying was simply whether they believed it could be satisfying.
If you believe scheduled sex can be satisfying, then it will be. How cool is that?
If you don’t believe it can be satisfying, let’s see if we can change that.
Step 1: Reframe for Excitement
Scheduled sex can be as thrilling as any spontaneous encounter. It’s all about how you approach it.
Make the experience as exciting as you want with a little reframing.
Perhaps your plans are secretive “rendezvous”—little escapes from the confines of your crammed calendars. You might even see the trysts as mini-rebellions against your other obligations.
Or maybe it’s simpler than that. Committing to a weekly or bi-weekly date night where you set phones aside and really connect can naturally open the door to physical connection when the date is over.
And who’s to say you won’t enjoy the easy-out when new demands on your time arise? If Susan asks you to help at tomorrow night’s fundraiser, it could be fun to smile and offer mysteriously vague regrets due to “existing commitments”.
Step 2: Be a Team
Something I notice about many couples is that one partner tends to be the “planner” or “calendar manager”.
That’s fine if it works for day-to-day life, but scheduling sex requires more collaboration.
Scheduling sex without your partner’s input (or vice versa) is a recipe for disaster.
Sit down and talk about each of your desires when it comes to timing and frequency of sex. Discuss what works best for both of you, taking into account your schedules and preferences.
Work to find a middle ground that meets everyone’s needs. (If this is particularly difficult, consider reaching out to a sex coach or similar professional to mediate.)
One of the beautiful aspects of scheduled intimacy is the structure it provides.
If you catch yourself feeling like your plan is a restrictive timetable, remember that this isn’t about clocking in and clocking out.
Rather, you’re simply making room in your schedule for quality time with your partner so you can reconnect and be fully present with each other.
Step 3: Expand Into Intimacy
Scheduled intimacy isn’t exclusively about sex. It’s also about nurturing connection.
Cuddles, back rubs, and quality time together can be equally valuable in maintaining your bond.
Use these moments to explore new ways to connect with your partner. I often encourage clients to spend at least 20 minutes on sensual touch or erotic massage before engaging in sex, for example.
Experiment with different activities, create new experiences, and deepen your emotional connection.
Final Tips
Scheduled sex is a game-changer for busy couples, parents, caretakers, long-distance partnerships, and other relationships where quality time is constrained.
Making it work really just boils down to:
communication
Talk with your partner about wanting to prioritize sex. Listen to their input and work together to identify times you’re both likely to have the energy and desire for sex.
flexbility
Examine your current commitments and pause before making more. Do these commitments leave you with time and energy for sex? If not, adjust or decline.
effort
Continually communicate and practice flexibility. If an unexpected event gets in the way of scheduled sex, don’t let it go unacknowledged. Reconnect and see if you can reschedule.
Remember, you and your partner are a team. Work together to overcome any challenges you face, and give yourselves grace.
Schedule Sex to Reconnect
In the midst of a busy and demanding life, it’s easy to neglect the intimacy that brought you and your partner together.
However, scheduled intimacy doesn’t have to be mundane. It can be an opportunity to reignite the passion and connection that drew you to each other in the first place.
Give it a try. Reframe your perspective and make scheduled intimacy an exciting and integral part of your relationship.
I’d love to hear about your results.
Need Ideas?
If you’re looking for erotic inspiration, check out my ebook, 100 New Sex Ideas for Experienced Lovers:
100 New Sex Ideas for Experienced LoversYou can also learn more about virtual coaching or connect with me on social media:
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