What can pleasure-seekers teach us about keeping the spark alive?

In my line of work and play, I spend a lot of time around hedonists who know exactly how to spice up the bedroom.

hedonist: a person who believes that the pursuit of pleasure is the most important thing in life

Hedonist gatherings are often what you expect…and then some. Masquerades, lingerie balls, and risque parties are a pleasure-seeker’s delight.

While these sensual events aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, there’s much to be gained from them. Attendees are exposed to countless ideas to keep relationships exciting for the long haul.

Today, I want to share six of the most powerful things I’ve learned from spending time with people committed to the pursuit of pleasure.

The tips below come from people young and old, single, dating, and married, and of all genders and sexualities.

I’m also including a way to practice each tip and spice up the bedroom at home. Use the Spice it Up ideas as written, or adjust them to make them work for you.

(You’re also welcome to snag a free copy of my eBook, 100 New Ideas for Experienced Lovers.)

If you’re wondering what’s behind the most enduringly passionate partnerships—read on.

1. Show Up

The first step to enjoying a pleasure party is showing up.

This goes for relationships, too!

Fail to show up, and nothing else you do matters. Be fully present with your partner when you are in their company to unlock deep intimacy. Whether you’re getting physical or simply sitting at the dinner table, remove distractions and tune in to your connection.

Notice the things you appreciate and admire about your partner. Listen to the things they say. Pay attention to their expressions and movements. Think about how these things make you feel, and express yourself authentically.

Spice it Up: During intimate moments, notice your partner’s breath, the touch of their skin, and the sensations rippling through your body. Be fully present with your senses, and express the pleasure you experience to your partner. This intensifies connection and arousal.

2. Care for Yourself

When attending a special event, we all want to look and feel our best.

Consider your relationship a special event.

Self-care is paramount to lifelong pleasure. Take time to nurture yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally for profound sensuality and desire. Engage in activities that make you feel good, such as bubble baths, luxurious lingerie, or sensual massages.

Do things that help you look and feel your best, whether that’s wearing cute outfits and having a skincare routine, or exercising and eating well. Prioritizing self-care signals to yourself and your partner that your desires and pleasure matter.

Spice it Up: Set aside an evening focused on pampering you. Light scented candles, play soft music, and do whatever makes you feel luxurious. As you and your partner revel in your complete, relaxed state you’ll feel more connected to your body and primed for pleasure.

3. Embrace the Unknown

It’s hard to predict exactly what will happen in a room full of hedonists.

Get comfortable with a little uncertainty.

Keeping the flames of desire burning often requires novel or unexpected experiences. Step a little out of your comfort zone to inject excitement and passion into the bedroom.

Try new positions, introduce toys, or experiment with role-playing. You can even shop for (or build!) dedicated sex furniture. The key is to keep an open mind and embrace the adventure of discovery.

Spice it Up: Plan a surprise date night. Take your partner to a new restaurant with an intimate setting, then surprise them with tickets to a sensual dance performance. This should ignite some sparks, setting the stage for a pleasurable and unforgettable night.

4. Communicate to Connect

Whether playing with a long-term partner or chatting up someone new, even the most eager pleasure-seekers ultimately desire connection with others.

Strengthen connection by talking about your desires.

Communication is the foundation of intimacy. Open and honest conversations about your desires, fantasies, and boundaries deepen your connection with your partners.

When both of you feel comfortable expressing your needs, it’s much easier to explore new pleasure realms together.

Spice it Up: Set aside time for intimate conversations. Share your fantasies and encourage them to do the same. Use a Yes-No-Maybe idea list if you need help. You’ll uncover hidden desires and new ways to pleasure each other, leading to a more satisfying and passionate connection.

5. Enjoy Everyday Pleasure

You don’t think hedonists reserve pleasure just for parties, do you? Of course not!

Embrace the pleasure that is all around us.

Appreciate the daily pleasures your already experience. Take steps to infuse more where you can. Engage in activities that bring you and your partner joy.

Indulge in self-exploration, embracing your sensuality through dance or yoga. Perhaps savor a luxurious piece of chocolate for dessert each night. By consciously prioritizing pleasure, you create a mindset that embraces and celebrates your desires.

Spice it Up: Dedicate a few minutes each day to engage in mindful self-pleasure. Explore your body, experiment with different sensations, and pay attention to what feels good. This practice not only increases your sensual self-awareness but also enhances your overall well-being and self-confidence.

6. Practice Gratitude

Thank you for coming often has two meanings at pleasure parties.

Being grateful for partners and pleasure encourages abundant passion.

Gratitude is a powerful practice that significantly enhances desire. A thankful mindset opens us to a deeper appreciation for joy and pleasure…and fuels a yearning for more.

Amplify your overall sense of well-being and enrich your sensual experiences by taking time to be grateful for them. Shift your focus to the abundance of pleasure in your life and further ignite your sensuality.

Spice it Up: Take a few moments each day to reflect on the things you’re grateful for in your relationship and sensuality. It could be the deep connection you share with your partner, the moments of intimacy that leave you breathless, or the sense of fulfillment that comes from embracing your desires.

By acknowledging and expressing gratitude for these experiences, you magnify their impact and create a positive feedback loop of pleasure and fulfillment.

Find Your Sensual Source to Spice up the Bedroom

Embracing a pleasure-filled life is a journey of self-discovery and exploration. By embracing novelty, nurturing intimacy through communication, and infusing pleasure into everyday life, you can unlock your sensuality.

Want personalized tips? Take my 6-question quiz to find your Sensual Source. You’ll get a free analysis with suggestions for spicing up your sex life based on your answers:

Remember, pleasure is a gift meant to be savored and celebrated. Embrace your desires, unleash your sensuality, and embark on a path of pleasure that enhances every aspect of your life.