How to Have Great Solo Sex

Some of my closest friends are “autosexual”. Their best partner is—drumroll, please—themselves. They get themselves off better during solo sex than with any partner they’ve ever had.

This isn’t to say they don’t enjoy partnered sex. They’ve all been in relationships and relayed stories of some very sexy sexytimes. However, their autosexuality does bring up a few questions that I think we should all be thinking about.

  • In what ways can masturbation be just as satisfying, or even more satisfying, than partnered sex?
  • How do autosexual people keep things varied and interesting in the bedroom and stave off boredom?
  • Can non-autosexual people learn how to have better solo sex from autosexual practices?

Let’s explore.

Masturbation That’s Better Than Sex

It’s no secret that vulva owners overall have a harder time orgasming during penetrative sex. And while I don’t want to boil sexual satisfaction down to just orgasms (there are so many other satisfying things!), they certainly do help.

Get Your Free Orgasm Activity Book

There are many ways vulva owners can learn to come more easily, frequently, and powerfully (click here for a post about exactly that!).

Often, partnered people address this issue with clitoral play during sex. This can be done with hands, the mouth, other body parts, or sex toys.

Can vulva owners reach orgasm this way without a partner? Absolutely! Using one’s own mouth may be tough to accomplish, but hands are certainly at reasonable disposal for most people. If they’re not, plenty of toys take the manual work out of stimulating the clitoris.

When we look at orgasms, especially for vulva owners, some of the most powerful climaxes are more likely to come from toys than a partner. Certainly, the potential for very satisfying solo sex is there.

What About Penis Owners?

Research shows again and again that penis owners masturbate more than vulva owners. With all this extra practice, it’s perhaps no surprise that most autosexual people I’ve met are penis owners.

But since these people have less issues reaching orgasm than their vulva-owning counterparts, what makes solo sex so enticing?

For many, the answer lies in creativity. Entire forums dedicated to masturbation techniques exist, sharing ideas for everything from humping Ziploc bags filled with warm spaghetti to building under-clothing contraptions that jack you off while you walk.

And when you’ve got hands free thrusting masturbators available a click away, why not experiment with anything you can safely put your penis in?

Great Solo Sex Goes Beyond Orgasm

As penis owner creativity implies, great solo sex is about so much more than reaching orgasm. Here are a few things people of all body types can keep in mind to unlock great solo sex:


For many autosexuals, fantasy plays a large role in the intensity of their experience. These fantasies can range anywhere from things they’d like to do with actual people in their lives, to straight up sci-fi scenarios that are only possible in one’s head. Enhancing these fantasies with self-pleasure makes it possible to reach sexual satisfaction in a way that isn’t physically possible.

Be Mindful.

It’s easy to let the distractions of the world interrupt a great self-lovin’ session. When you notice this happening, take a deep breath. Visualize the breath moving through your body towards the erogenous zones you are stimulating. Re-focus on the pleasurable moment you’re having, and you’ll find yourself re-centered.

Enjoy the ride.

Orgasm is just one part of the solo sex experience, and it’s not even a necessary part. If you’re stuck in a rut where you just do the same thing to reach orgasm as quickly as possible, you know what I mean. Orgasm simply isn’t the end-all, be-all to solo sex. So, think of masturbation as more like taking a walk or painting a picture. Enjoy each thing you come across along the way, and don’t worry about the end until you get there.

Try Sensate Focus

Sensate focus is one of the most recommended practices by sex therapists for those seeking enhanced pleasure…solo or partnered!

I include a guide to sensate focus in my free Talking About Orgasm eBook. Sign up now to get it in your inbox!

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Meet sex & sensuality expert: Shannon Burton, SXI

Shannon Burton, SXI

Hi there! I’m Sex Coach Shannon. I offer private coaching and classes both virtually and in my New Orleans studio.

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Published by Shannon Burton

Erotic Ignition Coach by day, poet and flash fiction author by night, I occasionally manage to get out of the house and enjoy New Orleans as it's meant to be.

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